in Progress
Empire of Dirt: A Memoir of Psychosis
Intermittent episodes of psychosis have been plaguing Madeline ever since her Traumatic Brain Injury in 2003. It wasn't until she was arrested and hospitalized in a psychiatric ward 21 years later that she would remember the episodes, and her childhood trauma.
Through flashbacks and told in hindsight, Madeline pieces together the fragmented chaos of the past two decades of her life; the delusions, paranoia, waves of Déjà vu auras, symbolism, and irony that took over Madeline’s life. The radio and news speaking to her in code, the airplanes giving her messages, telling her what to look for on the maps, and where to go to deliver the digital tokens flowing from her energy. The spiraling turned criminal, the delusions turned terrifying, and her behavior became dangerous. Madeline became homicidal.
Empire of Dirt provides insight on the thoughts and behaviors of someone during a break from reality, experiencing delusions, paranoia, false memories, periods of disassociation, criminal behavior and homicidal tendencies.
Coming Soon: Part II
The before of Madeline’s mental illness crisis is covered in the second volume of her memoir, Now I Remember.
Life before hospitalization, life before the traumatic brain injury, life before marriage made it possible for her to escape her dysfunctional family.
Childhood memories of abuse at the hands of her mother, sexual molestation by the model citizen, the churchgoing, volunteering, small town mayor: Madeline's own grandfather. The same man who abused her own mother. The mother who left Madeline alone with her abuser during the summers Madeline’s father was away for bootcamp with the National Guard.
Madeline remembers the family secrets and after dinner conversations at her grandmother's house. Before losing her father to pancreatic cancer, Madeline was able to ask him about these memories. Validation was his going away present to her.
Almost five years before she cracks, Madeline’s father urges her, “Write your book. Put it all in there. It’s yours.” If he only knew what came next.
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